


Best Friends

by Lexilindale35



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 00:42:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8307232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexilindale35/pseuds/Lexilindale35
Summary: I pulled my shirt back into place and groaned, "Cassian you promised. You promised this wouldn't complicate things."
"How does me loving you complicate anything Nesta? We've been best friends since before we could even talk. Your mom practically raised me because my bastard of a father bailed. So it's no wonder I love you."
I glared at him, "there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with them."
 
(The one where Nesta and Cassian are best friends who finally end up together)





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm working on a longer fic that is sort of like this one. 
> 
> But this short story came to me and I had to write it.
> 
> I hope you like it! Can't wait to share the first chapter as soon as it's ready =)

It had been a long day and all I wanted to do was throw myself down in my bed. Better yet I'd rather to throw myself down in Cassian's bed. It was bigger and more comfortable. But if I did that then he would try to have that serious conversation with me again. Where he said we could either be friends or a couple. He was tired of letting me blur that line.

He was tired of me keeping him a secret. He wanted everyone to know he truly cared about me. 

I understood. But a part of me would always be terrified to finally claim him as my boyfriend. Because then I had a hold, an expectation. With expectations came disappointments.

I walked up the steps to the apartment I shared with my sister and was more than ready to sit down. Work had been brutal today. I fought with a coworker and a customer. I needed some time alone.

What I really needed was time with Cassian. But I wasn't about to seek him out. It was against my rules. The rules Cassian didn't realize I had.

I opened my bedroom door to find Cassian sitting on my bed. My heart jumped, my hand flew to my chest. "Oh shit. Why are you being so quiet?"

He shrugged, "no one was home. I figured I'd wait here for you."

I threw my bag down on my desk. I smiled at him as I sat down on my queen sized bed beside him. He leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. I looked at my door, thankful I had closed it. All my exhaustion went out of the window when his big hands touched my waist.

"No one is home," he murmured against my lips. His big hands grabbed my waist and pulled me up onto his lap. I straddled his lap, my finger burying themselves in his hair. I pulled my mouth away from his gasping for air as he kept kissing down my neck.

I closed my eyes as he sucked on the skin between my shoulder and my neck. I arched my back as he bit down gently, his hands moving to the small of my back. He pushed aside my shirt, the callouses of his fingers gentle against my soft skin.

"Cassian," I hummed his name as his lips pressed against my chest. My shirt was low cut, but he pushed it further down, my boobs spilling out of my push up bra.

He pulled away, his dark eyes staring at me. He licked his lips, "gods I love you."

I stopped. My entire body went stiff at those words. I pulled back, my eyes finding his. My heart was pounding but not because of the position we were in. My heart was pounding because my best friend, the boy I had known all my life, just said he loved me.

When I made it clear we weren't supposed to let the physical feelings cross over the emotional ones.

He realized his mistake a moment to late. He brushed back my hair, "you know I've always loved you. Nesta you're my best friend."

He was nervous. I shook my head, slowly falling off his lap. I pulled my shirt back into place and groaned, "Cassian you promised. You promised this wouldn't complicate things."

"How does me loving you complicate anything Nesta? We've been best friends since before we could even talk. Your mom practically raised me because my bastard of a father bailed. So it's no wonder I love you."

I glared at him, "there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with them."

He sighed, pushing his ever growing hair off his forehead, "you know what fuck you. Yeah I am in love with you Nesta. There I said it. I am in love with you. Nesta Acheron. My best friend. My favorite person. I agreed to your arrangement because I thought it would be better to have a little bit of you than none at all. But now I realize you'll never ever change."

Cassian pushed off the bed as his words hit me hard, "Cassian wait. I just," tears filled my eyes, "I'm sorry. I thought we both agreed."

"That's your problem Nesta. You agreed to this, not me. You didn't even stop to think about me or my feelings. You don't care about anyone else, save that cold cold heart of yours," his hands balled into fists.

I didn't want this. I didn't want to lose him completely. I tried to get a hold on my tears, to make sense of the static in my head. My heart told me to tell him the truth. It was my mind that was screaming at me to lie. To protect myself.

But why did I need to protect myself from Cassian? Because if we didn't work out, I wouldn't just lose a boyfriend. I'd lose my best friend.

He stood there staring at me, waiting for me to answer him. I knew I took too long the moment his fist slammed into my wooden door. It was a good thing it was so thick. I could've sworn I heard a few of his bones break. I let out a sob, my hands reaching for his.

"Cassian stop."

He was too emotional. He always has been. He held his hand close to his chest and stepped away from me, "don't pretend to care Nesta. Don't act like you feel anything for me."

"That's not fair. I do care about you. You're my best friend."

He nodded slowly, "then tell me. Am I only your best friend? Are you firmly planted on one side of the line? Because I've seen you with the guys at school. You think it's fun to chew them up and spit them out. But me. I thought I was different."

"You are," my voice broke. I wanted to help him. I wanted to mend whatever I had broken. I wanted those words to mean something, instead of scaring the shit out of me, "let me see your hand."

"Tell me the truth Nesta. Will you ever love me?"

I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat. Those words. Gods above those words scared me beyond belief. I wanted to say them, I wanted to be the girl Cassian thought I was. But I couldn't. It's like they got stuck in the back of my throat. I never even told my sisters I loved them. It was just something they knew.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. A tear fell down my cheek. I never cried for anyone. Cassian had to realize how close this was to his truth. I was more than vulnerable in this moment. I just didn't know how to tell him.

Slowly he nodded his head. His eyes turned to ice and suddenly my bad day went from terrible to horrendous. Because Cassian found his answer. He saw it in my eyes, I knew he could see the fear. He stepped away from me and my chest broke in half.

"You know what Nesta. I'm done. You don't want to commit then I'm done with you. We aren't a couple and we aren't even friends," Cassian threw my door open so hard it echoed against the hallway. Tears filled my eyes.

"Cassian," my voice broke. I didn't want people to know about us, but I also didn't know how to tell him about my fears. 

He didn't stop. He walked out leaving me standing there trying to consider a life without him in it.

\--

Cassian had always been there. Him and his uncle moved in beside us the day I was born and somehow we grew up together. My mom thought it would be good to give me a friend. So we were placed in the same cribs for naps and slowly we became best friends as we grew. So going a week without speaking to him physically pained me.

But I knew I deserved it. I knew I didn't deserve him. Not as a friend or a lover. Because I wasn't someone to take home to mom. I was cold and closed off. I wasn't the girl you wanted to settle down with. I was the girl who showed you a good time and then laughed on my way out.

I sighed as I sat on the couch mindlessly watching whatever Feyre had turned on. She was talking, about what I had no clue. I couldn't focus. I kept wondering what Cassian was doing. Wondering if he was okay, if he found someone knew to care for. There were plenty of girls who looked at him. It wouldn't be hard for him to get a girlfriend.

The idea of him and anyone else made me physically ill.

"Nesta are you listening? We're all getting together for friends giving tomorrow. Did Cassian tell you what he's bringing?"

My sister didn't know about our fight. But we had been hosting friends giving for as long as we lived in this apartment. I shook my head, hoping he still planned on coming. His friends were dating my sisters so he had to come. I'm sure Rhysand wouldn't let him dodge a tradition.

If Feyre's boyfriend was anything he was religious with his traditions.

Feyre sighed, "what's wrong? You've been mopping all week and Cassian hasn't been around. Did you two fight?"

I wiped away a tear, "he won't talk to me Fey. I screwed up. I screwed up big time and I don't know how to fix it."

My little sister hugged me. She sighed, not pressing for details. Instead she let me cry on her shoulder. She just held me while the tears fell. Never asking for an explanation for how I screwed up. 

"You apologize," she whispered when she pulled away and pushed my hair over my shoulder, "you tell him you're sorry and you mean it. It doesn't matter what you did or why. He will forgive you. I know he will."

I bit my lip, "I don't think he will this time Fey."

"Have hope Nesta. That heart of yours isn't as cold as you think," she smiled before kissing my cheek and standing up. She walked towards the kitchen, "and if he doesn't forgive you then he'll have to deal with me."

She gave me a wink and walked out. I rolled my eyes, falling down onto my pillow as more tears fell. A week without Cassian felt like a week without air. I missed him more than I thought was possible. It scared me because this pain was physical.

It throbbed and ached with every movement. I was heartsick and I knew that Cassian had finally gotten his answer. Could I ever love him? No. Because I was pretty sure I already did. 

\--

Everyone showed up to friends giving early. Mor dragged Azriel into the kitchen and started helping Rhysand with the big stuff. I stayed in the living room watching and listening. I refused to participate. I was still throwing my own pity party.

I missed my best friend. I missed knowing my place was beside him.

This evening was going to be long, I was already in a bad mood. I wanted to talk to Cassian but I didn't know how. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, to try and be his friend again. Except I didn't want to be his friend. This week without him made me realize I wanted more from him. I wanted all the same things he did. 

I sighed as the front door opened and his loud voice bellowed from the foyer. Rhysand smiled, Azriel looked at me. Mor and Feyre didn't seem to care they kept cooking. I closed my eyes and took another drink of my spiked cider. I wasn't drunk, but I wished I would've been.

I winced as I heard his laughter. I stayed in the living room watching as he joined everyone in the kitchen, "Cassian! Late as always."

I heard him set the glass bowl down on the counter, "sorry I had to pick up a few things. I'm here aren't I?"

Feyre smiled as he kissed her cheek, "don't listen to Rhysand. You can come whenever you want to friends giving."

Mor whispered something and Cassian grunted a response. I shivered despite my warm sweater and the fire that was crackling in front of me. I shouldn't be afraid of him. Twenty years of friendship should've made telling him the truth easy. If anyone was good at being honest it was us.

But this. This had the power to make or break me. If Cassian changed his mind, if he decided not being friends was better than what we had before, I would be crushed. 

I looked at him through the doorway. He looked good, still put together even though we hadn’t seen each other in days. He was wearing a black V neck shirt with dark washed jeans. The darkness of his clothing set off the tan skin of his. His dark hair looked longer, he was refusing to cut it this month. My mouth watered at the sight of him. Now that I couldn’t have him at all, he was all I wanted.

That was part of the problem wasn’t it? I wanted what I couldn’t have. The moment I gave him and we accepted each other, then I might not want us to be us anymore. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t just walk away from my best friend because I got bored.

"Nesta!" Mor's voice was loud as she came into the living room. She smiled as she sat down beside me, "why are you having a pity party in here?"

I sighed, "because all of you and your cheery voices are giving me a headache."

She laughed, "Cassian is here."

"I know," my words were clipped, "I doubt he cares if I greet him or not."

Mor pushed her lips out and looked at me. She always told me she was jealous of Cassian and I's relationship. Whereas he slept with her for the first time because she wanted to make her parents angry, I always had him entirely. He was my friend, he talked to me and we had a bond. All they had had been physical and fizzled as quickly as it appeared.

"Is the happy couple fighting?"

"We aren't a couple," I said standing up and getting away from her, "just leave it alone Mor."

I walked into the kitchen and refilled my mug. Cassian stood beside Rhysand, cutting up one of the dishes. He looked at me, his dark eyes barely saw me. There was so much anger and hurt in his eyes. He didn't look like my best friend.

He looked like a stranger.

"Hey Cassian," I tried to pretend. I tried to be what we once were.

He nodded his head, "Nesta."

The room fell five degrees as he looked back down, away from me. Feyre stood there watching and she seemed to understand everything. She bit her lip, trying to stop from interfering. I sighed, Rhysand elbowing his brother hard.

I walked out of the kitchen when Elain and Lucien appeared in the foyer. Feyre squealed and crushed our sister in a hug. Lucien smiled as I greeted him, trying to make everything normal. I didn't miss the whispers that followed me out of the kitchen.

"Elain," I hugged my little sister and she kissed my cheek. She brought flowers and dessert. She always brought flowers.

We didn't see Elain a lot. She lived with Lucien on the other side of town. She was busy with her flower shop. Sometimes I ventured down to visit. But we always saw them on the holidays. Which made our time catching up that much sweeter.

"Come in, come in. The food is almost ready," Feyre pulled Lucien into the living room. He was always awkward around our friends. He was convinced they didn't like him.

The table was set and almost twenty minutes later Feyre said dinner was ready. I could barely focus on what Elain was telling me about her life as we sat in the living room together. I kept fighting the urge to look at my best friend. I could feel him glaring in my direction every once and a while.

I followed everyone into the dining room and stopped when I saw where Feyre had sat everyone. My name was right next to Cassian's. a lump rose in my throat, my hands started to shake. Cassian stood behind his chair, waiting for me to come over.

I turned and walked out of the dining room and back to the living room. I tried to catch my breath, to stop feeling like a little girl. But I couldn't pretend like I didn't care anymore. I couldn't act as if this was another normal day. There was nothing normal about me fighting with Cassian.

This was worse than when we were trying to hide the fact that we were secretly sleeping with each other. That had been easy, we talked and fought like we always did. Cassian liked to put his hand on my thigh and risk being seen. But it wasn’t as hard to keep our kisses a secret as this was. It was painful to handle his silence, to know he hated me as much as he had once loved me.

A sob escaped my throat. What if he couldn’t love me now that I had rejected him?

I heard footsteps behind me as my legs gave way and I fell to the floor. I buried my face in my hands and tried to quiet my sobs. It was hard, all the tears I had cried were back now that I was in the same room as my best friend.

"Nesta," his deep voice could've healed my broken heart if it wasn't still laced with pain. 

I let out a slow breath as he came around to kneel in front of me. Slowly he pulled my hands away from my face. I could barely see him through my tears. But there he was, his dark eyes softer than they had been moments ago. His hair touched his forehead and his mouth was set in a line. Gods he was so handsome, I was so stupid for ever thinking of anyone but him. I struggled in a breath, Cassian forced a smile.

"Nesta," he whispered my name as the house fell silent, "what's wrong? I thought this was what you wanted?"

I shook my head, "I never wanted you out of my life Cassian. I can't pretend anymore."

He brought his hand up to my cheek, "I can't pretend like it doesn't hurt, you not wanting to be with me. Nesta, please don't cry. We can still be friends.”

Tears were streaming down my face as Cassian's hand slid down my cheek and picked up my hands. I took in a deep breath, "you're still my favorite person. Even if I'm not yours."

His eyes went wide. I couldn't say I love you, but this was as close as I could get. I knew he understood as he wiped away a tear. Slowly he moved in and kissed me softly. My heart slowed down, the pain on my chest lifted.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against my tear stained cheeks. "This last week has been hell. I don't care if we’re just friends, best friends. We just can't be nothing, Nesta. I don't know what life is without you."

I smiled, my hand cupping his cheek, "best friend. Favorite friend. Boyfriend," I whispered softly as I pulled his face towards mine, "I couldn't breathe without you Cassian. I'm sorry I let you walk away. I'm sorry-" 

Cassian pulled me into his chest so fast the air was pulled out of my lungs. He cut me off with a heart shattering kiss. Even more heated than the first one we ever shared back when we were kids. He was skilled now, his hands sliding down to my hips and keeping me in place. I smiled against his lips, knowing that he was worth my heart.

I pulled away, "I'm still not the girl you want me to be. I can't begin to even understand what love is. But I truly care about you Cassian. You're there in every memory, every moment of my life. I can't let you go."

His arms tightened around me, "well I'm not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me now, girlfriend.”

I laughed as he picked me up and spun me around. Someone coughed from the doorway and Cassian stopped. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights, as if he had broken some unspoken rule. Rules I abolished the moment he walked into our home.

"It's about time you two," Feyre said rolling her eyes. Rhysand winked at his brother and then I burrowed into Cassian's chest. His laughed vibrated against my cheeks.

"It's okay if they know right?" He whispered softly, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

I peeked up at him through my lashes, "yeah. It's okay if they know," I whispered softly as he spun me around again, "you're my person Cassian. My heart, my fire."

He set me down and clasped our hands together. We walked into the dining room together, everyone clapping and smiling at us. It had taken us close to twenty years to finally embrace our feelings. Now that I stood beside him I wasn't sure why I ever fought my heart. Because he was there, right at the center.

Life is all about taking chances, risking it all to find your place. I looked at my best friend, now my boyfriend, the one who had been standing beside me for all the moments of my life, big and small. I smiled as I pressed one last kiss to his cheek before we started to eat. My heart was happy.

Because it was then and there that I realized Cassian was more than worth the risk. He was and always would be my person.

 


End file.
